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I understand the emotional attachment to stuff
Minimalist-living blogs and articles. I find them so inspiring. But… almost without fail, those who are naturally minimally inclined don’t quite understand the emotional turmoil that some of us feel when we try to take on the (should be freeing) task of de-cluttering. So this post is for all you emotionally attached clutter bugs out there. The ones who WANT to live in a clutter free space, but your stuff controls you. I get it. I am high-anxiety, seriously over-sensitive, and easily overwhelmed. Or at least I can be (I’ve really come a long way with the anxiety). I work everyday and sometimes with all my strength to bring my Sane Self to the surface. That’s what I like to call the little voice of reason that allows me to function (when I choose to listen to her – and I do that more and more these days).
I’ve learned a few little tricks to make it easier
De-cluttering is something I have worked on a lot the past couple years and man do I love how it feels to live in a home with less stuff. It hasn’t been easy. I have had to be very intentional about making sure stuff leaves my house (I’ve also become very intentional in making sure stuff doesn’t come into my house). If anyone can benefit from these tricks I’ve learned to make it easier – well that’d be the icing on the cake. So let me walk you through a typical (for me) de-cluttering session!
Firstly, if I know I need to purge stuff, I spend a few days reading those minimalist living blogs (my favorite here) that I love and look to for inspiration. I try to actively notice how irritating it is that it’s SO cluttered under the sink. This really helps to boost my determination. I can’t go into a stuff-purge lacking determination. I tell myself that I will do it no matter how hard it is.
And the first drawer goes ok. I get the un-used, broken, don’t-even-know what this is into a box and I feel pretty proud of myself. Then I pick up something that I KNOW needs to go… but it can’t because (insert reason here). In the past I would have become discouraged, given up and probably drank some wine. Now I do this – GETTING RID OF THE THING TRICK # 1: I call someone who I know values a tidy house and the burden that stuff can be (usually my mom, because she also understands how hard this is for me) and I explain that I need permission to get rid of the thing. I’m no psychologist and I can’t tell you why this works, but having someone else’s permission and support to get rid of the thing helps immensely.
So then I continue, encouraged. Until I pick up something that someone gave to me. This totally derails my de-cluttering train. I WANT to get rid of it – Oh the guilt! But I can deal with it because I know GETTING RID OF THE THING TRICK # 2: I imagine that I was the one who had given this thing to someone else. I imagine how I would feel if I knew the thing was causing them this much stress. I would feel terrible! I would WANT them to get rid of the thing. I never gave it to them to burden them. So chances are (very) good that whoever gave me this thing wouldn’t want me burdened with it either. They would want me to get rid of it.
But then I get to the thing I can not get rid of. There is no way. I sort of want to, but my resolve is going and I need this thing for absolutely no reason. I can’t. GETTING RID OF THE THING TRICK # 3: I get someone else to get rid of it for me. I have to say, I don’t do this very often, and I do it less as I get better at allowing my Sane Self to be heard. But sometimes, I call my mom (cus really, who else am I gonna admit this level of crazy to?!) and I ask for help.
I’m done for the day, so I set the box of stuff on the spare bed. I’ll donate it next time I go to town. I feel ok right now about the things I’m getting rid of, and even if some of it was difficult to imagine parting with, at least I got it in the box so I can start coming to terms with the fact that it’s gone. SPOILER ALERT: 89% of the time I never even think of the thing again after it’s out of the house. Ok I made that # up, but its A LOT of the time. Note that I never think of it again after it’s out of the house. If the box stays on the spare bed, the stuff will get out of the box. GETTING RID OF THE THING TRICK # 4: get rid of the thing. Now. While you feel determined, while you have permission, while you understand why it needs to go. Drive that box right to the thrift store, to the donation bin, to the dump if it’s stuff no one else will use. Do not let all your hard work go to waste.
You can do this. You can conquer the clutter. Your stuff does NOT have to control you. (Plus once you have conquered clutter it is SO Much easier to stop being messy.)
SO I was going to put some links here to great de-cluttering books…in case you need more inspiration for kicking the clutter. But I recognize that the LAST THING you need is to bring another thing into your house (hopefully you recognize that too!), so instead I have a (free) suggestion for you. Sign up for the FREE 30 day trial to Amazon’s KindleUnlimited program. You can check out as many books as you like – read ALL the de-cluttering and organizing stuff you can while it’s free, and soak up the inspiration! You don’t need a kindle – you can get the kindle app for just about any device. And yes, it’s FREE, and it’s not stuff in your house, major awesome 😉
(My Sane Self gets to celebrate with a glass of wine. And when my Sane Self is happy, everybody’s happy.)